Lost ROFL

Today, Lost has been solved. Let us explain:

THE CHRISTMASTIME THEORY

1. Jacob is Santa Claus.

2. The Others are his Elves, and the Island is their movable North Pole elf army lair. Hence their obsession with fake beards, to better emulate their jolly leader.

3. The Others are obsessed with who the "Good People" are: Why? It's Santa's list of who's been naughty or nice! Remember Ben, he told Locke that he didn't kill him while trapped under the hatch's blast door because he was a "good one"? Also remember Goodwin: "Nathan was not a good person. That's why he wasn't on the list." So Santa has a List of who's been naughty or nice-- and now we know he sometimes orders hits on the naughty. Kids: Better be nice!

4. Magnetism is explained: The Island is originally from the North Pole, and the magnetic link portal to the pole still exists at a fundamental level. This is why compasses go haywire on the island!

5. The Incident explained: Santa Claus sometimes needs to replenish his reindeer stock. He can open a magnetic portal to the polar regions to get more animals... except sometimes he hauls through polar bears by mistake! Polar bears eat reindeer, hence the need to periodically import more reindeer (and possibly polar bears) yet again. It's a vicious cycle!

6. The radio tower is used to receive transmissions of all the children's letters to Santa, forwarded by his DHARMA corps on every continent.

7. The mysterious parachute supply drop that Ben orchestrated from the Hatch computer? This is merely Santa's magical toy delivery system, and it works to drop toys anywhere around the world!

8. Charles Widmore is the Grinch, who simply wants to STEAL CHRISTMAS. For the Lost series finale, we'll see him in a Santa Suit, and Desmond and Penny in green tights and Elf suits. Juliet too. And Hurley. Oh, and Jack gets coal in his stocking.

Have a happy holidays everyone!